Food Coma Realizations
It’s amazing to me how certain foods can make you feel, both emotionally and physically. Let’s just take physically for starters. I am the kind of girl who loves junk, and clearly that is a problem. I would be perfectly content if my diet for the rest of my life could be pizza and brownies. I got to a point where pizza was pretty much all i would eat. I am an extremely picky eater, but even I know that this is no way to live. Pizza just did it for me, both emotionally and physically…err…well kind of. When I had a bad stressful day at work, pizza was there, when I was feeling lonely in the world, pizza was there. It always tasted great, and never judged me. The thing of it is, is that after eating it’s greasy deliciousness, I would always be left in some sort of a daze, or what I call, a pizza hangover. I would eat it and feel so good, so safe, but after I was finished, I felt awful. I didn’t want to move. It’s almost like it made me numb. I would feel so sick afterwords, and not sleep well, but for some reason I always wanted more. After eating it, I would just feel sick to my stomach, and disgusted that I could eat an entire pizza. I was ashamed. I would go the whole day without eating, and then just gorge myself on pizza. I have never done drugs before, and never will, but I guess it was kind of like getting high. When I was eating it, it felt sooooooooo good, and I felt like I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop, but afterwords, I just felt horrible, sick, and worse than I did before. It was like an addiction. A good night to me was curling up in front of the TV with my husband, bringing on pizza and sweets. Yes, it sounds disgusting, I get that, but it felt good. It made me numb.
The reason that I am bringing this up is because after 2 weeks eating healthy and working out, I realized today, that I am not in a food coma anymore. I actually got up this morning at 4:30, totally wide awake. I got up, cleaned the kitchen, made coffee, ate a sensible breakfast, read a book, and then get this, I went and worked out for 2 HOURS! I had enough energy to actually do that, and it felt great. I wasn’t walking around in my food coma, where all I wanted to do was sleep and eat. I think the healthy food is starting to make me feel better. I know it sounds crazy in only 2 weeks time, but I think it is at least starting too. In the last 12 hours I have worked out a total of 4 hours, and to me that is amazing.
I want to live life now. I want to experience things, and not just sit and home while life passes me by. I am tired of living in a “food coma.” I know I can do this. I realize that I have been scared to experience things for some reason, and I’m tired of being scared. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to enjoy life. Numbing myself with food, makes me not feel the fear, but it doesn’t make it better. It is a temporary fix. It’s like putting a band-aid on a deep cut that needs stitches. I need to work through my issues and face them head on, not numb myself with food. It isn’t going to make anything better, and in reality it actually causes more problems.
I need to convince myself that I am worth the effort, and I can do this. I shouldn’t be afraid to fail, because as long as I keep going, I can’t fail, unless I quit. I know in my heart that I can do this. I have to do this.
So tomorrow is my big day, weigh in number 2. I have no idea how much I lost the first week, because I didn’t weigh in until week 2 started, last Sunday, but I know it had to have been good. Since week one is always such a big loss, I know that week two is notoriously low, but I am still hopeful. So, I will be back tomorrow with my weekly weigh in, so let’s keep our fingers crossed.
Oh, and sorry I am rambling, and kind of jumping all over the place, but I am getting sleepy. LOL So until tomorrow…
Fabulously me,
KT
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