Push it, ahh, Push it real good!

Love Salt and Peppa!  Well tonight, I was still feeling the burn from my 11 mile bike ride from Saturday, yep STILL feeling it.  Even though i can do 2 hours straight on the elliptical, I think my body has somewhat gotten used to it, so I can REALLY feel the burn with the bike riding.  Every muscle in my body still hurts, even my ankles, yes my ankles.  LOL  It is a good hurt though.  I know I really pushed myself, and I feel great because of it.  

Today, I was able to eat very healthy, and was satisfied, but I totally didn't feel like working out.  I relaxed for a few when I got home from work, but told myself that I absolutely had to workout tonight.  There was no talking myself out of it, even though I didn't feel like doing it. I don't wake up in the morning and say "You know, I really don't feel like brushing my teeth, I'm too tired."  I JUST DO IT.  There isn't even a question, it's just routine.  So why can't I have the same approach to my workouts?  So, I put on my workout gear, and headed downstairs and did 30 minutes of strength training, and then hopped on the elliptical and did another 30 minutes.  I mean 30 minutes isn't great, but it's 30 minutes, so I am proud of myself.  I feel so good right now rocking this post workout high.  I wish I could bottle up this feeling, and feel just a smidge of it when I don't feel like working out. 

As far as the weigh in results, I didn't lose or gain anything last week.  I stayed the same, and you know what that is ok.  I have been so frustrated over numbers, but I know I just have to focus on the journey itself, and all of the steps I'm taking along the way.  Just control what I can control, and eventually the numbers will follow suit and things will fall into place.  I am going to try my hardest to not peak at the scale until weigh in day on Sunday, because I don't want a bad number to bring down my mood.  I am challenging myself to not even take so much as a peak until Sunday morning.  

I hope everyone has had a fantastic day!  You are all so inspiring, and love reading about all of your triumphs!  I can relate to everyone's struggles.  I might not be able to comment that much, while I'm working, but I am reading, and I will comment as much as I can.  Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me. 

Fabulously me, 

KT

The 11th mile

So today was the big day of our first bike ride at the forest preserves.  I was super nervous, because I was going with my super fit bff, her fiance, and my husband.  I was so worried that I would hold them back, and worried that I might not be able to keep up.  Keep in mind that I haven't ridden a bike in about 15years, and this was our first real ride.  We went to a forest preserve by our place, and the trail was 5.5 miles, which sounded a bit scary.  LOL

We headed out on the trail midday, and today might not have been the best day for a ride.  I mean don't get me wrong, it was beautiful, nice and sunny, however it was 90+ degrees and humid.  So we started riding, and the hot sun was beating down on me in my BLACK shirt, and dark gray yoga pants, hey no one said I was smart.  Also, keep in mind that my complexion matches that of Casper's, and silly old me forgot to put on the sunblock.  So, it was really hot, and we were riding along the trail, and I was doing ok, and then all of a sudden my right pedal fell off.  I was totally mortified, and then my friends and my husband kept asking if I was ok.  I was so hot by then, and after walking my bike a little ways, I started having an anxiety attack.  I just felt so stupid, and was totally down on myself.  I thought I broke the pedal because I was fat.  So we got back to their place, I was dying at this point, and headed out to the bike shop to get it fixed.  I was so embarrassed, and I refused to go in.  I was actually crying.  I know, that sounds ridiculous, but I just got so down on myself.  He took the bike in the shop, and it turns out, just as my husband said, it had nothing to do with my weight, the brake just wasn't tightened.  The guy at the shop apologized, and said it was their fault.  So we got the bike fixed, and headed back out for the trails.  

I was so scared that it was going to happen again, but I told myself that I could do it.  I was so tired, but I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.  I wanted to push myself.  We biked around that trail, and when we finished, I have to admit that I felt awesome that I accomplished that.  I mean the first real bike ride in 15 years, and I went 11 miles in the heat, so I guess I am pretty impressed with that.  I know it's nothing special, but it's something.  Not only did I do it, but I pushed myself, and faced my fears.  It turns out I can handle more than I give myself credit for.  I am so tired and worn out now, but pumped at the same time.  

Tomorrow afternoon we are going to go to a different trail to try that out, and I am excited.  I am so tired after that, so I believe that it's bedtime for me.  Fabulous bike ride # 1 completed!  Tomorrow is the big weigh in day, although truthfully, I am not getting my hopes up.  This morning I was only down one pound, and I have a feeling that I am retaining a ton of water.  Either way I will post the results, and hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised.  I hope everyone is having a great weekend! 

Fabulously me,

KT

Hump Day

I am going to make this REALLY REALLY short, because I am totally exhausted. Work has been crazy busy, and stressful, but I am staying on plan, no excuses. Stress is not a reason for poor choices, because I know it will only make me feel worse about myself. I am so proud of myself that I have remained focused and dedicated amongst the chaos. I know a whole 4 weeks doesn't seem like much to stay motivated on plan, but it is to me, and it's a huge step. I am doing this. I didn't get a chance to workout today, bummer, BUT tomorrow I plan on doing the elliptical, weights, AND riding my bike. My body is going to love and hate me on Friday, but it will be totally worth it.
 

I am so glad tomorrow is Thursday, because that is the last day of my work week, yay! I plan on lots of cardio this weekend, and I absolutely can't wait to weigh in! I have actually kept my word and have not even peaked at the numbers this week. I want to see a big number, and I can't wait to post the results either way. I hope everyone had a fabulous day!
 

Fabulously me,


KT


"Never trade what you want the most for what you want at the moment"
 

"I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there's only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am"

Facing fears

My new bike!!!!

So today was quite an interesting day.  I woke up this morning, feeling like I got hit by a truck, so freaking horrible.  I started throwing up from the moment I woke up.  I had a lovely case of food poisoning, but managed to stick it out at work today, mostly because I didn't have any other options.  Besides I would have felt like crap whether I was at work, or at home.  Needless to say I didn't have too many calories today, because I simply didn't feel like eating. 

My day turned around this afternoon, when I started feeling a bit better, and could actually keep water down.  Then this evening, I started feeling much better, and my husband and I went to the bike shop to pick out new bikes!! We really wanted bikes, just so we could do something fun together, and still get some exercise in.  Something in addition to the exercise equipment. 

I was super nervous about going to the bike shop, because I was so afraid of what they would think.  We went to a shop this weekend, and the guy was kind of an asshat.  I don't know if he just sucked in general, or figured my husband and I weren't serious about buying bikes because we were fat.  Surprise asshat, we were interested, and you totally blew your sale.  So going into this new bike shop, I was a bit nervous.  This guy was so knowledgeable and helpful, and didn't make me feel weird at all.  He put us both at ease.  He didn't direct me to men's bikes, because I'm tall, he just wanted to know what kind of riding I would be doing, and I found this.  I loved it, and it was a woman's bike that us tall girls can ride!  He told me to take it out for a spin and see what I thought. 

I cautiously rolled the bike outside, scratch that, I had my husband roll the bike outside and I very nervously got on.  I had all of these fears in my head

                              * I would be too fat and flatten the tires

                               * I would fall on my ass and make a fool out of myself

                                *Or a combination of both of these options LOL

Keep in mind that I haven't been on a bike in oh probably 15 years!  You will be happy to hear, or maybe you won't be happy to hear it, lol, but none of these things happened.  I actually hopped on, and while I was a little shaky and scared at first, it all came back to me.  I guess it's true like they say, "you'll never forget how to ride a bike."  So almost $1000 dollars later, ouch, we brought our brand new toys home, and felt like 5 year old's on Christmas morning.  We unloaded the bikes, hopped on, and rode around our neighborhood for a little while.  It was tons of fun, and I can't wait to go riding tomorrow! 

I guess I learned a lesson today, to actually try new things and not be so scared.  I don't want fear to control me anymore.  It's silly to let irrational fears get in the way of things that I want to do.  I refuse to let things like this hold me back.  I am changing my life and deserve to be happy.  The new Katie, won't let fear control her, and let life pass her by, she will live life to the fullest and enjoy every minute of it. 

Well it is about that time, that I should try to get a little sleep.  Have a great night!  Bring on Humpday!

Fabulously me,

KT

Settling in

So, it is 12:01 on a Monday night, errr, Tuesday morning, and I am in one of those stages where I am so exhausted, but I am too tired to sleep.  My workout yesterday, combined with the fact that it was Monday, must have just taken a lot out of me.  Yesterday, I didn't do anything extreme, just 45 minutes of cardio, but the weights beforehand killed.  LOL  I have muscles hurting in my body now that I didn't even know existed before, but that is a good thing.  So, anyway, I should be in bed right now, but instead I figured I would come here instead.  It seemed a tad more productive than staring at the ceiling forever until I was overcome with sleepiness.  

Since the scale can be a bit of a let down, I am going to challenge myself to not check my weight until Friday morning.  It will be super hard not to check, but I think I can do it.  

I have been at this seriously for a month, and I feel like I am starting to somewhat settle in. I am settling into a routine and starting to feel a bit better.  Obviously, I can't see any changes yet, which is frustrating, but I will get there.  I wish I would have taken measurements from day 1, but unfortunately, I just did that this weekend, so hopefully in about a month, I will have some fabulous numbers to look forward to.   Anyway, so I am settling into a routine with both my workouts and my food.  I am doing cardio, my most fabulous elliptical ever, and the treadmill, along with our new fabulous home gym for weights.  I am tracking my meals, and making sure I eat 3 balanced meals a day with 2 snacks to keep my blood sugar on track.  All in all, it is going very well.  When I have had a treat, I have planned for it, and just worked it into my daily calorie allotment.  

I am also noticing that I am starting to want to do more, and just get out there and live life and not let it pass me by.  My husband and I went and looked at bikes this weekend, because we think that would be something fun we could do together that packs the added benefit of burning cals.    This would be in addition to the current cardio and weight training.  Tomorrow I think we are going to go buy them, and an added bonus, I think we are supposed to have fabulous weather this week and weekend.  Yay!  

Well I think it is about that time to try once again to get some sleep.  We have a big day tomorrow, working all day, working out, and then BIKE SHOPPING!!!  Sorry for the incoherent rambling, but I figure this nonsense was better than not updating at all.  LOL  Have a great night, scratch that, have a FABULOUS night!  Happy Tuesday!

Fabulously me, 

KT

Tick tock on the clock, but the party don't stop, no...

Hello fabulous readers, errr, that would fall under the assumption that I actually had any readers, but if I did, you would all be fabulous.  LOL  I am here to say that I haven't fallen off the wagon, abandoned ship, given up, or any other crazy ideas.  I am here chugging along, and I must say I am pleased with how things are going.  I might not be getting the kickass crazy biggest loser results that we all hope to achieve, but it's a life journey.  In the last 3 weeks, I have lost 9 pounds, and while that isn't "biggest loser" caliber, it is still good and still an improvement. I still don't know how I did on week one, as I didn't weigh myself right away, I know that in the last 3 weeks, I have lost 9 pounds.  Week two I lost 5 pounds, week 3 2 pounds and week 4 2 pounds.   For all I know, I could have lost 10 pounds the first week, and be at a total loss of 19, I will just never know, and that's ok.  I know that eventually, if i keep doing the right things, and plugging away, that this weight will come off.  I know that it won't melt off overnight, just like I didn't put it all on overnight.  This journey is going to take a huge amount of effort, not just for 4 weeks, 4 months, or even 4 years.  It is going to take my whole life.  I can't stop eating healthy, and stop working out, once I reach goal, and I have accepted that.  The thing is, I CAN live like this forever.  I CAN eat a healthy diet with occasional treats, and I CAN workout daily.  These are all things that I can do, and as long as I keep doing them, the weight will come off.

I have exercised at least 5 days a week during this time, doing mostly the elliptical, some treadmill, and as of last week incorporating light weights for strength training.  I am so determined to do this, it is insane.  I will look sexy in this bridesmaids dress, and no that is certainly not my only motivation, but it's something.  It's something that I can work toward, like a mini goal.  No, I won't be at my goal weight, but I want to lose as much as possible for this wedding.  I know, I know, you aren't supposed to lose weight for occasions such as this, you are supposed to do it for yourself, but the thing is, I am doing it for myself.  Things like this motivate me.  Vacation also motivates me, which we are planning on going to Cancun in June of 2011, so once this wedding is over, I still have the trip to motivate me.  I don't know why I need these certain events to keep me in line, but it gives me something to shoot for.  I am not going to give up once I hit these events, and no I don't have any crazy ideas like I am going to lose X pounds by the wedding and XX pounds by vacation.  I know that doesn't work.  Honestly, whether I lose 30 pounds or 80 pounds, I will be proud of myself, as long as I am continuing to do the work and the right things.  My body is going to go at it's own pace whether I like it or not, so I might as well embrace it.  I  hope to lose as much as I can, but there is no time limit to this journey, i have my whole life ahead of me, and i will get there.  There will be days that I get discouraged of course, but as long as I pick myself up and keep chugging away, I will eventually get my desired results.  I can't control the exact numbers on the scale, but I CAN control the steps that I take to get there.

I have my plan of action, keeping an accurate food diary of every morsel of food that goes into my mouth, it keeps me honest, working out, both cardio and weights, drinking my water, getting my fruits and veggies in, and limiting the "junk."  The food diary i absolutely love is the "calorie counter" app on my droid.  I pink puffy heart love this app!  It breaks down how many calories, fat grams, carbs, protein, and all of that.  It tells me how many I have left for the day, and it is super fabulous.  It also has a handy dandy weight loss tracker, and a place to input my exercise.  It also allows me to scan barcodes on foods and pulls up all of the nutritional info that way, and it has a huge database to search for items.  I think this tool has been so valuable thus far, because it gives me some accountability.


I must admit, I was a tad bummed today because this week, just like last week I lost 2 pounds.  I was hoping for a big number, but I realized everything I mentioned above.  My body will shed this weight, in time, on it's own schedule, not mine.  As long as I keep plugging away and doing the right things, it will come off.  So that's what I will do.  I will keep doing the right things, and everything else will fall into place. See you soon!

Fabulously me,
Kt

Food Coma Realizations (August 1, 2010)

Food Coma Realizations

August 1, 2010 -

It’s amazing to me how certain foods can make you feel, both emotionally and physically. Let’s just take physically for starters. I am the kind of girl who loves junk, and clearly that is a problem. I would be perfectly content if my diet for the rest of my life could be pizza and brownies. I got to a point where pizza was pretty much all i would eat. I am an extremely picky eater, but even I know that this is no way to live. Pizza just did it for me, both emotionally and physically…err…well kind of. When I had a bad stressful day at work, pizza was there, when I was feeling lonely in the world, pizza was there. It always tasted great, and never judged me. The thing of it is, is that after eating it’s greasy deliciousness, I would always be left in some sort of a daze, or what I call, a pizza hangover. I would eat it and feel so good, so safe, but after I was finished, I felt awful. I didn’t want to move. It’s almost like it made me numb. I would feel so sick afterwords, and not sleep well, but for some reason I always wanted more. After eating it, I would just feel sick to my stomach, and disgusted that I could eat an entire pizza. I was ashamed. I would go the whole day without eating, and then just gorge myself on pizza. I have never done drugs before, and never will, but I guess it was kind of like getting high. When I was eating it, it felt sooooooooo good, and I felt like I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop, but afterwords, I just felt horrible, sick, and worse than I did before. It was like an addiction. A good night to me was curling up in front of the TV with my husband, bringing on pizza and sweets. Yes, it sounds disgusting, I get that, but it felt good. It made me numb.

The reason that I am bringing this up is because after 2 weeks eating healthy and working out, I realized today, that I am not in a food coma anymore. I actually got up this morning at 4:30, totally wide awake. I got up, cleaned the kitchen, made coffee, ate a sensible breakfast, read a book, and then get this, I went and worked out for 2 HOURS! I had enough energy to actually do that, and it felt great. I wasn’t walking around in my food coma, where all I wanted to do was sleep and eat. I think the healthy food is starting to make me feel better. I know it sounds crazy in only 2 weeks time, but I think it is at least starting too. In the last 12 hours I have worked out a total of 4 hours, and to me that is amazing.

I want to live life now. I want to experience things, and not just sit and home while life passes me by. I am tired of living in a “food coma.” I know I can do this. I realize that I have been scared to experience things for some reason, and I’m tired of being scared. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to enjoy life. Numbing myself with food, makes me not feel the fear, but it doesn’t make it better. It is a temporary fix. It’s like putting a band-aid on a deep cut that needs stitches. I need to work through my issues and face them head on, not numb myself with food. It isn’t going to make anything better, and in reality it actually causes more problems.

I need to convince myself that I am worth the effort, and I can do this. I shouldn’t be afraid to fail, because as long as I keep going, I can’t fail, unless I quit. I know in my heart that I can do this. I have to do this.

So tomorrow is my big day, weigh in number 2. I have no idea how much I lost the first week, because I didn’t weigh in until week 2 started, last Sunday, but I know it had to have been good. Since week one is always such a big loss, I know that week two is notoriously low, but I am still hopeful. So, I will be back tomorrow with my weekly weigh in, so let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Oh, and sorry I am rambling, and kind of jumping all over the place, but I am getting sleepy. LOL So until tomorrow…

Fabulously me,

KT

Breaking Point ~ July 28, 2010 (Posted this on another blog, and wanted to come back here so I am copying. )

Breaking point

July 28, 2010 -

I would title this first post, the beginning, but that would be a lie. The truth is, this isn’t my first attempt losing weight, and it certainly isn’t the beginning of my quest for fabulousness. Wait…before we go any further, I need to warn you that I will make up words, fabulousness being one of them, and I will use them freely, so you will just have to get used to it. Ok, now I can “unhit” the pause button, and get back to what I was saying. This blog is going to detail my journey from flab, read fat, to fab.

I titled this “breaking point”, because I hit a point of such utter embarrassment and shame, that I was smacked in the face with the realization that I have to do something about my weight. This isn’t day one of my desire to be thin, but this breaking point is the first day of the rest of my life. I will go ahead and break out my remote control and hit the rewind button on my DVR, and I will take you back to my breaking point.

I have always been a big girl, ugh I hate that phrase, but I am very tall, 6’1″ to be exact, and have always pretty much ranged from chubby to downright fat. I have never had the pleasure of being able to shop at any store knowing that anything and everything will look cute on me. I have never experienced being hit on everywhere I go by men, and always being the center of attention. I don’t know what it’s like to feel sexy, confident, and proud to be me. The idea of being comfortable in my own skin is a total foreign concept to me.

You know that phrase “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”? That is the exact polar opposite of my situation. I have been the bride, I am married to the greatest, sweetest, most loving husband in the world, but I have never, up until now been a bridesmaid. Most all of my friends are married, but none of them have asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding. Call me paranoid, but I have always kind of internalized it, and thought that perhaps, maybe it was me. Maybe if I were thin and gorgeous they would have asked me to be in their weddings. Not that this is a huge deal, I realize, there are a vast array of more important things in life, none of which touch on the bridesmaid subject, but it can sting. So, imagine my shock, and utter delight, when my best friend asked me to be her maid of honor. It nearly brought me to tears, happy ones. So approximately 6 months after her asking me to be the maid of honor, it was time for dress shopping on that dreaded Friday July 23rd. Not that there was anything particularly daunting about that day, it was just the idea of the day. The day to try on dresses, and realize how fat I really was. It’s not that I didn’t realize I wasn’t fat, clearly I did, but this particular experience, REALLY brought it to my attention.

Let me just reiterate that I am beyond thrilled that my bff gave me the honor of standing up in her wedding. I am soooo excited and looking forward to it, but we all know dress shopping can be a nightmare. I am not your typical pear shaped fat girl, I am a total apple shape, which to me is a total pain in the ass. At least if you are a pear you have a waist line, so dresses have the ability to look good on you and flatter your figure. In my crazy messed up body my hips are my smallest measurement, followed by my boobs, and my waist being the largest. I have a negative waist. LOL It’s almost as if I am wearing a giant flotation device around my stomach, so needless to say, dresses aren’t flattering.

So anyway, on Friday we enjoyed a nice leisurely breakfast, at a fabulous (you can tell I like that word, can’t you? LOL) little restaurant, and then made our way to the bridal store. When we entered the store surrounded by a sea of dresses, my inner thin girly girl self was THRILLED at all of the possibilities and cute dresses, but at the same time the fat girl was sad. I was sad and terrified, because i had a sinking feeling that nothing in the store would fit, and it was going to send my negative, yet sinking self esteem into a tailspin. I found a dress I pretty much loved right away, a strapless ballgown, that was stunning. The salesgirl found the biggest size they had in stock and ushered me into a room. Thank god she waiting outside with the bride, and I began to undress, and try not to have a nervous breakdown. I get into the dress, thinking that there would be some hope that this might actually work, and my heart sank, when I could only zip it half way up. I was in there panicked at what to do, because I really didn’t want to come out and have to tell them that it didn’t fit. I stood in there for as long as I could, and then I heard my friend say “are you going to come out?” I quickly replied with a quiet “no”, and of course she asked why. I was beyond mortified when I had to explain that it didn’t fit. Their biggest size that they had in stock was too small. She ended up coaxing me out, and we both loved the dress. It was actually very flattering, and made me feel like a princess, baring the fact that it didn’t fit. The alterations lady came out to talk to me for a “consultation”, and said that it was definitely possible that they would be able to add a little extra material to make the dress work. Talk about the most embarrassing, mortifying experience ever, especially in front of your gorgeous size 6 bff.

It was at that very moment that I decided that I had no other choice, but to lose weight. I was tired of feeling badly about myself, tired of not enjoying life. It wasn’t just about the dress, but everything it represented. I wanted to look hot in that dress, and I wanted to be able to live my life instead of hiding from it. Of course I assured the saleslady that I wanted to order a size smaller, and she pretty much scoffed at me. I mean, I am sure they hear that someone is going to lose weight 343909030303 times a day, and then they have to deal with the tearful bride and bridesmaids when they can’t fit into their dresses. I ended up giving in and going with the godawful size, but I know that when I go back in there next time, it will be too big. I will do this. I hit my breaking point. I can’t be broken any further, all I can do is pick up the pieces, and begin my journey to the most fit and fabulous me possible. Of course this decision wasn’t about the wedding, it was a culmination of multiple things, that I will of course blog about, but it was the last straw. It was my breaking point, and perhaps my beginning…

Fabulously me,

Kt