Tubthumping

I get knocked down, but I get up again...

Well, as embarrassing as it is, I am coming here to confess.   I hate coming here to say this, because it shows weakness.  Weakness, that I didn't do what I set out to do, that I didn't hold up my end of the deal., that I didn't follow my own advice, and that I went against my better judgment and messed up.  The old me would have said that this was failure.  I would have said "oh well, I failed, so I might as well just give up, because let's face it, you can't do it."  I know that's simply not true.  The truth of the matter is, that this is life and no one is perfect.  It's silly to not come here, because I feared letting others down or getting yelled at.  It's silly, because the only person it's hurting is me.  

Posting here keeps me honest, and it doesn't make the situation any better to run from it.  I could sit here all day and post excuses as to why I overate this weekend, but there are no excuses.  Life is always going to make things challenging, and it's not an excuse.  Life happens.  I didn't go completely crazy this weekend, but I did indulge in pizza night, dessert here and there, and just unbalanced eating.  No excuses.  This can't happen, because it sends me into a downward spiral.  It doesn't do an once of good for me to do a great job, lose 19 pounds, and then go and gain some of it back.  I was hoping to hit over 20 pounds lost this week, but instead I fell apart and overate.  Where did that get me?  Up 4 pounds, yes 4 whole pounds.  Yes, I realize I could be retaining water and what not, but I don't care.  It is ridiculous.  Absolutely ridiculous, that I would work that hard to drop the pounds, and throw it away in one week.  Stupid!  

Quitting hasn't even entered my brain, and won't enter it EVER, but I did consider not posting it out of fear.  Silliness.  Fear is what got me here in the first place.  Fear and laziness.  I know how to do it, I simply have to burn more calories than I take in.  So simple.  No excuses.  None.  I am upset with myself, but all of this will be for nothing if I continue destructive behavior.  I have to be hard on myself.  I owe it to myself to be frustrated.  In reality, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me, I wish I believed that, because the only person I am ultimately hurting is myself.  

This honesty goes hand in hand with another thing, forgiveness.  I have to forgive myself and move on.  It's not going to do me any good to bash myself, and whine about it.  I have to DO something about it.  Prove that I can do this, because I can.  In the grand scheme of things, if I learn from this and move on, this is a total minor setback.  The key word there is "learn."  I can't continue to repeat these behaviors or I will gain this weight back in a matter of a few weeks.  I WON"T let that happen.  

Eating poorly this weekend has reminded me of how bad food can make you feel.  Eating food that lacks any nutritional content is pointless, and it makes me feel like crap.  It makes me feel sluggish, which in turn starts this nasty cycle that I'm trying to break.  It's silly to reward myself with a punishment.  

The truth of the matter is, it doesn't matter how hard it is to resist the "bad stuff", it's so much harder living with the "bad choices."  Confidence, being healthy, looking hot, feeling sexy, having fun, are WAAAAAAAY more rewarding than a stupid pizza.  

This whole entry is just a bunch of words.  It all sounds great, but I have to DO IT.  It's time that I make some commitments and follow through.  This is so simple, and I can do it.  I will do this.  

Now, I am going to go get some sleep, so I can get up bright and early, workout, eat a healthy breakfast, work, and just make tomorrow the best day it can be.  I'm going to lose those extra gained pounds this week.  No excuses!  I will be back tomorrow to post about how awesome my Monday was.  I hope everyone has a great week!

Fabulously Me,

KT