Groundhog Day....Enter Bill Murray

I keep saying the same thing night after night. Tomorrow is going to be different, tomorrow I will be better, and it never happens. Tomorrow is never better. I keep saying that I'm embarrassed, coming here professing my failures, but I still keep faltering. I sound like a broken record, or the movie groundhog day where things keep happening over and over again. I keep messing up. I'm certainly not giving up, but I need a serious ass kicking. I am here. I am fessing up, and I will continue. Perhaps I will be back tomorrow night and sing the same pathetic song, but this is a step further than I have taken before. I thought about A. not coming and posting, or B. lying by omission, and not letting on the bad parts of my day, but I didn't. What good would that do? What would that solve? This is real life. This is me. I am actually here. I could be hiding and making things up, but I'm not. I'm real, I'm truthful, and I'm an open book. Just because I let stress get to me today, doesn't make me a horrible person, it makes me human.

My day started out fantastic. I had cereal for breakfast, chicken, ff yogurt, banana, and pretzels for lunch, and I drank water all day long. I got home, and was ready to workout, and I just crashed. I didn't feel like doing anything. I was going to just leave it at that, but when my husband called on his way home from work, he joked about bringing home burger king, and I totally caved. Not only did I have burger king for dinner, but I had reece's peanut butter cups for dessert. I had chicken tenders and french fries. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sometimes I don't know what goes through my brain. Why do I think that this sort of behavior is necessary? I had a horribly stressful long day at work, and that is no excuse I know, but I just wanted to get away from it all. The food comforted me. I know that it sounds crazy, and lame, but it's true. The food destressed me, and that is not what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to let the exercise destress me.

I will get this right. I know I will. I know that it seems like I am a total failure, and believe me I feel that way too, but I am trying. Trying isn't good enough, I just need to do it. All of my posts are starting to sound the same, but it's true. I know what I have to do, I just have to follow through. I want to do this, I want to get healthy, hot, and motivate others. I want to inspire other people, and let them know that they can do this too. Right now, I just need to focus on me, and I will get there. I have to believe that I will get there, because if I don't believe in myself, no one else will.

I am lifting up my water glass and toasting to tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. A fresh start. I need to take advantage of that, and do what I know in my heart I can do. Sorry for the disappointment, but I vow to do better.

Until tomorrow...